she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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