I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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