do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
