So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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