I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
