New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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