woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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