Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
