Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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