Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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