I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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