So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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