I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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