I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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