you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Green mimosas i think yes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
