guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You can't motorboat a personality
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
