your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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