This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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