I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
