What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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