Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
