why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The power of my boobs compel you
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
