Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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