somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
