The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
