yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
