Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
