did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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