I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
worst night to have a conscience
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
