before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
