half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
