I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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