I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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