Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
