You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she told me i tasted like america
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
