Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
