I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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