This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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