Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There are leaves in my underwear?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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