i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
