Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
