bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
