I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again