Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches