I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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