did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
