Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?