she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
