You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
