If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
