Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
