I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
