I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
