Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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