sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
