Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
