i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
