I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
