Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just cropdusted the office
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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