What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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