Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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