This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
