dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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