i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
