you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
