Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
