how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
