What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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