I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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