You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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